No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
