if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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