A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
