The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
