He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Randomize
