I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
