I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
