she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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