This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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