I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
