She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
