That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize