u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
