cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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