i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
