in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sorry about my life...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
