I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
