we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
