I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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