I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize