the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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