he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
