I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
