...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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