I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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