Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
pray to the hookup gods
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
