I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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