Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
