I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
