I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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