I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
