Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
