is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
