This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And then he peed in my hair
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