You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
