What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
