remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
