She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
