well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
