i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
