it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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