that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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