Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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