Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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