I wish i was in the wii world.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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