I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
