am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
