if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want nice things and good sex
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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