I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
