You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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