I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
