and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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