dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
