What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
