Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
