I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this will be a night to untag.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
