found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
