Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
