I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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