If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
