It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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