"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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