i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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