I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
