He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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