When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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