I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
