The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
