if you like me you must not know who I am
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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