I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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